Living in a Gift Culture

By Hunter Reynolds, on November 29th, 2023

I’m currently traveling with my wife in Japan, which is a “gift culture.” Gifts fly off the hands of these people all year long. The focus, however, is less on the gift itself and more on the ceremonial act of giving: the energy with which one presents the gift.

The formality, of course, has faded over the years- just as every country’s culture and customs have as they pour together into the media melting pot.

Still, you can hear the “ca-chunk” when Japanese people lock into “mini-ritual mode” as they present you with their latest offering. With little fanfare and uncommon presence, gift-giving continues to “seal the bond,” of friendship with closeness, respect and generosity.

I have numerous theories about why this touches me so deeply.

First, because it scolds me. In the past, you see, I dismissed, as “petty,” the glorious Leonine drama of gift-giving.

Second, because it haunts me. There is an urgency in the eyes of these people as they present their gift that awakens the devastating black-and-white pictures taken in 1945:

Without cooperating and giving generously to each other we may not survive.

But there is a deeper, more subtle layer to my respect for the Japanese that has more to do with the way the entire culture seems to keep mortality front and center. Gift-giving, it seems, is a way of leaving an enduring mark on the psyche of someone who’s life will not endure and may need to feel cherished later.

In other words, they know the time-release power of gifting and they know how the recipient of the gift secretly feels about receiving it:

One day, in my dementia-addled brain, the memory of your face and your gift will dwindle then vanish, leaving only a benevolent residue- a faith in life’s unbroken goodness that will ease my ego across the veil.

Hunter Reynolds
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