THE STINKY DEATH DANCE
The final weeks of Mercury retrograde in Aries (until April 15th) together with Mars conjunct Saturn square Sun/Mercury, provide a golden opportunity to sense into how grim and heavy it feels to imagine ourselves as separate somebody’s parting a dead ocean of space, pulling our cart of flesh through the rickety streets of Samsara. Truth is, our egos are always having feelings about Saturn’s graveward pull. Early April: a chance to be present enough to notice what they are.
Saturn, of course, will have his way with us in the end, so why not invite Him to the table now. Perhaps His crotchety reputation is unwarranted. Perhaps he’s a wily old sage eager to teach us “the stinky death dance” so we can move humbly toward our worldly goals without going numb to our deathless being.
April’s Endgame
April crescendos into a profound, Full Moon in Scorpio on April 29th. Trine Neptune and sextile Mars/Pluto, this searing eye-in-the-sky provides a funeral pyre on which to throw dead jobs, dead relationships and dead thinking in a Neptunian spirit of “grateful goodbye.” Think of it as this year’s delayed astrological New Year, when Saturn and Mercury retro ease their foot off the brake. Get your professional ducks in a row during the first two weeks of April, then burst out of the gate on the 15th when Mercury goes direct in tandem with the Aries New Moon, achieving full velocity on the 29th.
To get the best of this Full Moon, you will need some preparation. Ask: What goals would, upon completion, demand that I re-wire my brain into someone I would wholeheartedly respect, but have not yet dared to dream? (Need a coach to help you define and realize your Saturnian goals? I recommend Tal Gur.) Of course, we can’t actually rewire ourselves; it happens spontaneously, by grace, when we embody a fully-felt confession that can never again be unseen. That’s what this Moon is for!
Uncomfortably single? Ageing accelerating? Time to fall pathetically in love, like Rumi, with the divine presence in everyone. Need a prod? Picture a sweet, octogenarian couple crossing the street slowly, holding on to each other. That’s you and the partner who couldn’t resist your magnetic “yes” to life.
Feeling halfheartedly chosen by friends, mate or community? Perhaps they’re mirroring the ways you’ve failed to partner with your own passion. Perhaps they’re reflecting the lazy, uneven interest you have in your soul’s frontier conversation.
By the time the 29th rolls around, the Mars/Saturn square to the Sun and Mercury will have (if you’re lucky) fully exposed your grimly responsible ways of thinking, working and loving. This is The Reaper blessing you with a creepy, ants-in-the-bed aversion to “just getting by.” There. Now you’re ready for this “transform or die” Moon.
You Are a Pregnant Mystery
In the mean time, take advantage of this feisty, yet introspective, Mercury retro in Aries. How? By boldly confronting your cynical, self-limiting language, and purging yourself of these habits, as one would purify their diet before ingesting a plant medicine. Embody Aries. Stab your blabby automation with an imaginary sword. Don’t waste your anger on others. Do as the Dali Lama directs: scream at your “kleshas:” your miserably secure me-stories.
Remember: Sunday, April 29th is your deadline. You will need to be as “beginner’s mind” as possible for this day. Schedule nothing. Be ready to stay up all night. Imagine an exiled part of your soul stepping back into your body. What are this being’s attributes? How might you make yourself attractive to this ageless elder? What little boy/girl beliefs will have to be loved away to make room for them? Not sure? Then let’s keep it simple. This is your time to return to zero. When an old friend asks, How are you? Pause. Notice how insufficiently invested you are in any answer that your old self could come up with. Then say, “a pregnant mystery.” Then feel into your body. Do they fathom you? The closer we get to this Full Moon in Scorpio, “maybe” means “no.”
Not sure what you want? No problem. Sometimes all we get is our “no’s.” During shamanic Moon’s like this one, daring to frothingly feel what we don’t want is enough. Watch. In the days following, omens and answers will rush in to fill the void.
Of course, mind will smear skepticism all over your newly hatched vision. So what. It has been doing this your whole life. Time to recognize, once and for all, who it is: a barren womb that you used to call “me,” unresponsive to fertile seed. Will April’s endgame be an a bloody birth or a bloody abortion? An anonymous Octogenarian wants to know.
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